


all of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

by wintersend



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: (don’t) steal cakes for your SO, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cake, F/M, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Rebelcaptain Secret Santa, as we all do, flashbacks in italics, jyn just wants cassian to be HAPPY, not completely in linear order, they both have a suit kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 02:37:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17215430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersend/pseuds/wintersend
Summary: "No one looked her way twice, no one cared about some invisible servant, even with the box she carried under her arm. Just another waitress, doing her job.But Cassian’s stare was the peculiar kind of blank that told her he was not pleased. She knew he could tell what she was up to but he wouldn’t have any idea why. That was the exciting part."or, Jyn steals a cake and plans a surprise for Cassian. And their friends are not helpful.





	all of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SleepyKalena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyKalena/gifts).



> This is my gift for SleepyKalena, her prompt was gratitude, aka: "I'm glad you're here with me." I really hope I did the prompt justice, I tried to keep it in mind while writing but it’s kind of subtle, I think.
> 
> The flashbacks are not all in order but hopefully it isn't too confusing to figure out when is when. The profanity algorithm was a headcanon I borrowed from Sleepy because I loved it too much and wanted to include it. And sorry, their mission is vague on purpose because I suck that.
> 
> To see the moodboard I made with the cake, go [here](http://captainandors.tumblr.com/post/181529134115/all-of-this-silence-and-patience-pining-and/). Hope you enjoy :)

Jyn was having trouble breathing. Her skin was on fire, her senses heightened, her heart racing. She was losing control by the speed of light.

Cassian’s hand dug into her hair and tightened around the strands with fierce purpose. His mouth caressed her neck, his kisses frantic and greedy and confident, taking what he wanted. Jyn tilted her head, willingly giving him everything, sighing with the desire for _more, more, more_. She didn’t try to fight the haze that descended on her mind.

Cassian had tugged the jacket off her earlier _(where were they and how did they get here so fast?)_ and was now yanking on her tie, with the clumsiness of an impatient lover. Jyn’s hand rested on his shoulder, then slid up his neck and into his hair. She might have imagined the grumble on his lips, it was so soft, but the sound ran through her body like lightning. She was glad she wasn’t the only one who couldn’t control herself.

This was different from what she knew. She’d never been loud with past lovers, never lost herself in them so much; years of keeping to herself and slipping through cracks to avoid unwanted attention had taught her to stay on her guard, always. Intimacy was never equal to vulnerability. But those occasional hook-ups meant nothing.

 _This_ – Cassian meant everything.

“Hey!” A loud voice broke them apart and Jyn gasped as she remembered where they were – and what they were doing. “You’re not supposed to be up here.”

A burly bald man in black suit was glaring at them, arms crossed to appear intimidating. Maybe he was, but not to her – Jyn figured that between the two of them, she and Cassian could take him in five seconds. But they wouldn’t, because that would ruin the whole purpose of making out to simulate a secret lover’s meeting for a quick alibi. Easiest play in the book, she thought, just before Cassian gave her an apologetic look and slammed her against the wall, lips all over her throat.

She lost herself so quickly. But his mouth never touched hers and it was important Jyn remembered that. They weren’t doing it for themselves and it hadn’t been Cassian touching her. It had been Frans. And it hadn’t been Jyn he was touching, it had been Gordana. _It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real._ _Must remember that._

Cassian’s eyes flashed at the intruder, and if she hadn’t caught the half second of bewilderment before his face smoothed into a perfect mask, she would have thought he wasn’t affected at all.

The guard waited silently. Cassian had the decency to look chastised while she grabbed her suit jacket from the floor and fixed her tie. She tried to seem embarrassed at being caught because Gordana was shy and awkward and she was only here tonight because she needed the money, but she couldn’t make herself blush on demand. She wasn’t that good. So she settled for looking at the ground and scuffing her feet.

Cassian adapted his most charming tone. “We’re very sorry, we got a bit carried away. It won’t happen again.”

Jyn glanced up for a second and saw the guard relax a bit.

“Well… Can’t say we haven’t all been there with a pretty girl.”

Cassian laughed and Jyn admired the way he was able to make it sound genuine. Inside, she knew he was seething. On the outside, he never let it show. This was why he was Draven’s best spy.

“Alright, just get out of here,” the man conceded, as Jyn knew he would. Guard solidarity and all that. “Back to your posts, both of you. And don’t let me catch you again. Mrs. Bothe will have all of our heads.”

Cassian thanked him quickly and they both went back downstairs where the 30th birthday party of politician Keven Bothe was still in full swing. Cassian returned to his post by the window, watching guests laugh and dance with a vacant expression, and Jyn went back to the kitchen to grab a tray of champagnes, where her boss for the night was already chewing her out for disappearing.

She tried not to think about Cassian’s lips on her skin too much or catch his eyes for the rest of the night. What they came here for was done, the information they needed was in Cassian’s pocket on a datachip, and that was that.

* * *

_“So…” Bodhi started, and from that one word, Jyn could tell he was about to make a comment about her (lack of romantic) relationship with a certain captain. He only used that tone when he was teasing her about her stupid, undeniable, obvious-to-everyone-but-Cassian crush. And predictably, he continued, “K2 is not going with you, huh?”_

_She could practically hear every light-hearted joke he could make about the two of them on a mission alone, without the ever-present company of K2SO, for the first time ever. She didn’t want to hear him say it because she was already thinking about it, how they would be alone, really, truly alone, for the entire mission. Especially on the ship, the 19 hour flight there, and another 19 hours back. The thought flustered her, and the part of her that automatically balked from showing vulnerability didn’t want anyone to know that. Even Bodhi, one of her closest friends. Old habits die hard._

_Jyn levelled him with a look. “I guess not.”_

_Kay had other business to attend to. She didn’t want to get into it, hoping that would be the end of the conversation, but – “Oh, well. I’m sure you and Cassian will figure out something to pass the time.”_

_Jyn let out an exasperated sigh, not at all impressed by Bodhi’s faux-innocent tone. He wasn’t as good at keeping his emotions in check as Cassian, or even Jyn, and his lips twitched upwards as he struggled not to laugh while she scowled._

_The constant meddling was annoying but a tiny secret part of her was touched by their apparent concern. Having a family was nice. New but not unpleasant. She used to think having nothing to lose was better and more self-serving, and maybe it was, but she’d also learned that some things were worth the risk._

_So, frustrated as she was, she always endured their teasing without resorting to mild physical violence. (Anyone outside their small family was free game, though, and Han Solo was just begging to be punched in the face one of these days.) Plus, the sparkle that slowly returned to Bodhi’s eyes each day as he emerged from his shell was worth a little friendly banter._

_“Yes,” she deadpanned, unwilling to reveal anything. “I’m sure we will.”_

_“Hey, Bodhi,” Cassian interrupted before Bodhi could retort, shouldering his backpack as he approached them. Jyn automatically turned and had to crane her neck to look up at him, standing a little behind her. Seeing him, dressed in a green jacket, ready for departure, made it all real, and left her a bit short of breath._

_“Hi!” Bodhi greeted him, a little too enthusiastically. “I came to see you guys off. Good luck. We’re all cheering for you.” He winked at Jyn here and if Cassian was confused, he didn’t show._

_Jyn, on the other hand, wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She never should have let it slip that she was planning a surprise for Cassian._

_“Thanks, Bodhi.” Cassian turned to Jyn, the intensity of his eyes on her never failing to make her pulse pick up. “You ready?”_

_“Yeah. Just a sec.”_

_He nodded and left them, walking to their ship. As soon as he was gone, Jyn turned her glare on Bodhi._

_“Behave.”_

_“But really, are you going to go for it?” he asked, grinning, as if he didn’t even hear her._

_She raised her eyebrows and lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know what you mean. Goodbye, Bodhi!”_

_She swiveled and walked after Cassian, taking deep breaths to focus. She could deal with a five days long assignment alone with him, she’d done much scarier things –  technically._

_But as she neared the ship, he gave her a smile from the ramp that, embarrassingly, made her falter. This was fine, it was going to be fine, she repeated the mantra, clenching her fists. It was fine. Throat dry, she took a deep breath. Here went nothing._

* * *

Jyn had an especially stupid idea.

She was itching to leave, the party too loud and too bright, the guests all snobbish imperial celebrities and politicians. Even the simple task of smiling and offering them a glass of champagne was proving to be tedious when all she wanted to do was knock the condescending smirk right off their face.

On top of it all, she couldn’t stop thinking about Cassian. That was nothing new but the timing was unfortunate. She couldn’t let her guard down during a mission. Saw taught her better than that – the galaxy taught her better than that. But still, the memory of their fake tryst, and the words he said to her earlier occupied the space in the back of her mind.

 _You’re a vision, Jyn._ Who even says that?

Cassian, apparently, and who gets weak in the knees because of it? Fools like her.

Stop it, Jyn, she told herself firmly. Cassian wouldn’t be thinking about you during a mission. Even if he wanted to, he would know better than to let himself. _Stop it._

So there she was, taking a breather in one of the quiet corners of the busy kitchen, waiting for the night to end, and fiddling with the tie all waitresses were required to wear. _You’re a vision, Jyn._

Sweat had gathered on the back of her neck, her eyeliner was likely smudged, and her lipstick had probably melted off. She snorted. Right now, she didn’t really feel like one.

At least, the mission was a success. No one suspected a thing, and if they pulled this off perfectly, no one would find out that the Bothe’s data had been compromised. They would even get paid at the end of the day, and a little extra credit never hurt.

It just sucked that Keven Bothe’s 30th birthday was today of all days. She had the day planned out weeks in advance, and then Draven had to go and send them on an assignment, of course –

But maybe tonight was still salvageable, Jyn mused, as her gaze fell on the birthday cakes waiting to be served. The candles shaped into the numbers 3 and 0 taunted her.

A seven-tier mint colored cake, dressed in marzipan, and meant for the guests, stood proud next to a smaller one. The golden cake was decorated with various twisting emblems, curving motives, and small flowers. On top of it, a crown was shaped from what seemed to be chocolate, painted entirely in gold.

It was ridiculous.

Flashy and over the top, Keven Bothe had apparently paid a good amount of money for it. He wanted to be king of the party and he made sure everyone knew it. Jyn and the other servers had been told, on no uncertain terms, that the cake was meant only for Keven and his wife, and no one else was to touch it. When the mint cake was served, the pair would sit at the head of the table and eat their own slice of royal cake among their envious guests. Or so was the idea. Jyn had immediately taken a fierce dislike to the couple.

Staring at the cake, she let out a contemplative noise. It was hideous because it was too much but that didn’t mean it didn’t taste good. She and the rest of the staff would certainly not get a slice even from the big cake. And what a night it would be for Keven Bothe if his precious expensive crown cake, symbol of his masculinity, went missing.

A mean-spirited smile played on Jyn’s lips. It was a terrible, terrible idea, but something in her snapped, and her mind was made up.

She stood from her corner and looked around. Busy servants, waiters hurrying in and out with their trays. No one paid attention to her, giving her no reason to rethink this crazy scheme.

Technically, guests were not supposed to be down here, but guards were only stationed upstairs at the ballroom and the Bothe’s private quarters. No one thought there was anything valuable to steal from the kitchen, even though the rows of food and drinks still yet to be served could feed a small city for months. That made her want to teach these spineless wasteful arrogant scums a lesson even more.

But the only way to pull this off was to be absolutely sure of herself.

Jyn took a deep breath and approached one of the servants who worked at the Bothe mansion full-time.

“Nasli, I need to put the crown cake in a box and bring it upstairs to Mrs. Bothe. She wants to serve it in thirty minutes.”

Nasli was small and quiet but hard-working, and most importantly, trusting. The look she gave Jyn was confused but not suspicious. “I thought Mrs. Bothe wasn’t feeling well.”

She wasn’t, Jyn thought with a cruel sort of satisfaction.

“Oh no, she’s fine. I escorted her upstairs, she was only pretending.”

The other girl frowned. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”

“No, but she wants to surprise Mr. Bothe.” The lie flew off her tongue as naturally as she could manage. “We turn off the lights, light the sparklers and the candles, and she walks down the double stairs with the cake, signing happy birthday. I need the box so the guests don’t see.”

Nasli blew out a breath, ruffling a lock of hair over her face. She seemed unsure, caught between two fires. “But Mr. Bothe said –”

“Nasli, Mrs. Bothe is waiting for me. If you’d like to go up and check it with her, I’ll wait, but I imagine she won’t be so patient.”

As soon as she said it, she felt like a horrible person. Zoya Bothe was not known for her patience or kindness, and she’d heard her scream at five different waiters at least five separate times during the night. The cheap manipulation trick would work on a timid girl like Nasli but she didn’t feel amazing about it. _Deliberately scaring a poor girl into being your unwilling accomplice, good job, Jyn._

And Force, these people will be the ones punished for the disappearance of the cake, won’t they? She hadn’t thought of that, and she certainly hadn’t wanted to get Nasli into trouble or fired. Jyn ignored the guilt twisting in her gut, hoping the girl wouldn’t confess to anything afterwards. It was too late to back out now.

Nasli let out a breath and nodded. Caving in, as Jyn knew she would. “Alright, here’s the box. Just don’t let Mr. Bothe see you.”

Oh, she would not. Flashing Nasli a grateful smile, she wrapped up the cake, and hoped, one last time, that the girl would not be too harshly punished. Then she forced the thought out of her head. She had to focus if she was to successfully smuggle the cake out.

Cake in hand, she moved up the stairs, reaching for her comm, carefully concealed by the wavy locks of her hair, to signal Cassian. It was time to get out of here.

* * *

_Cassian was posing as one of the guards from the security force the Bothes hired for extra protection, and thanks to that, he had a bit more room for movement in the mansion than normal, along with access to restricted areas. He was stationed at the party in the main room by one of the windows, and, thankfully, close to the stairs leading up to the private quarters. He wasn’t normally supposed to leave his post but if, say, the hostess suddenly felt a bit ill…_

_Jyn walked up to Mrs. Bothe and the small group she was entertaining with some ludicrous grandiose story about how she met Keven, serving them each a glass of champagne. Mrs. Bothe took hers without a backwards glance and held the glass as she waved her hands in the air in dramatic fashion. Jyn stepped to the side and waited. Cassian stared ahead impassively but she knew he was paying attention._

_The guests laughed on clue as Zoya Bothe finished her story and took a sip of her champagne. Idle chatter followed while Jyn busied herself at a nearby table, arranging the small cookies in a pattern as she kept an eye on them._

_She could tell when the drug started to kick in. Zoya went white as a sheet and awkwardly tugged at the collar of her purple blazer, the smile on her face becoming forced. She attempted to collect herself as she shifted on her feet and pretended to be interested in what her guests were saying, but her efforts were futile and she quickly had to excuse herself. This was their opportunity. When she swayed on the spot, Jyn rushed forward like a concerned employee who just happened to walk by._

_“Mrs. Bothe, are you alright? You look pale as snow.”_

_“I don’t feel too well,” she gasped out, clutching Jyn’s arm for support. Cassian appeared beside them and slipped an arm under her shoulder._

_“Let us escort you upstairs,” he murmured in his low soothing tone and Zoya nodded._

_Together, they bypassed the other guards without suspicion, and walked Zoya to her room where they left her to rest for a while, per her own request. She did not want a doctor, too proud to be seen in such a state, and she was convinced she’d only had a bit too much to drink._

_Keven’s office was a couple of hallways down, as they had determined before the mission, only protected by a series of security codes Jyn bypassed easily. The rest was up to Cassian as he disappeared in the room while Jyn stood outside to keep watch, in case the guard who patrolled the hallways walked by._

_It was only seven minutes later when Jyn heard the sound of footsteps approaching._

_“Frans!” she hissed, poking her head through the office door._

_Cassian looked up at her, hunched over Keven’s desk, and nodded. “I’m done.”_

_“Someone’s coming.”_

_Cassian pocketed the datachip in his jacket and Jyn hurriedly worked on the security pad outside to make sure they left no traces of their intrusion behind. But that meant they had no time to disappear in the maze of hallways and avoid being caught by whoever was approaching._

_The corridor was a dead end that ended in Keven’s office and the footsteps were growing louder. Zoya’s room was nowhere near close, not a viable excuse, but the lights were low, the hallway deserted, and there was a bushy plant in a cozy looking corner that would be perfect for anyone looking for some privacy. They didn’t have much of a choice, and as Jyn looked at Cassian, she knew they were both thinking the same thing._

_Then he pushed her against the wall._

* * *

Upstairs, amongst the dozens of guests, it was easier to mingle. No one looked her way twice, no one cared about some invisible servant, even with the box she carried under her arm. Just another waitress, doing her job.

But Cassian’s stare was the peculiar kind of blank that told her he was not pleased. She knew he could tell what she was up to but he wouldn’t have any idea why. That was the exciting part.

He hadn’t asked any questions when she commed him, just muttered an “affirmative” to let her know he heard her. “What are you doing?” his eyes were asking now and she shot him a sly smile. However confused he may be, he trusted her judgement enough to follow her lead, and the thought warmed her heart. He’d cover her.

She slipped out of the ballroom and out the back door into the garden. Two of the Bothe’s own guards were stationed at the gates in a cubicle, but as Jyn got closer, she saw that a bottle of what appeared to be rum was half empty between them and they were engrossed in some sort of card game. One was cursing heavily, cheeks reddened in anger or inebriation or both. They didn’t care enough to keep an eye out for danger and they didn’t notice her as she kept to the shadows the heavy bushes provided and slipped out the main gates. It was too easy.

* * *

_“Here you go.” Jyn approached Cassian with a cup of caf that she held out to him while he was engrossed in his datapad. She knew he liked to drink a strong cup in the afternoon, and with a long night ahead of them, he was going to need it._

_And maybe she wanted something to divert his attention from the novelty of her appearance._

_“Oh, thank you –” He turned to give her a surprised but grateful glance but stopped mid-sentence as he saw her. So much for diversion. “Oh.”_

_She tugged self-consciously at the end of her collar. The Bothes had a dress code which meant she wore the uniform they provided: sleek black pants, a white button-down shirt, a black jacket, and a black tie. This was far better than the long flowy ball dress she’d been forced to wear on one occasion when she posed as Cassian’s wife, (a mission that was already difficult to get through with Cassian’s hand constantly resting on her bare back) but they also requested that women wear makeup and their hair down._

_Jyn found herself terribly angry about that as she applied red lipstick and some subtle eyeshadow back in her cabin. Like she was some doll they could dress up and parade around to their liking. She was there to work, not look pretty. She couldn’t even pin up her hair in a comfortable bun, for kriff’s sake._

_Of course, she didn’t have much of a choice. She took out the braid she wore all day and left her hair a little wavy, hoping that would be satisfactory for the Bothes. But without the comfort of her bun, she felt strangely exposed._

_And Cassian staring at her wasn’t helping._

_“That bad?” she asked, fighting the urge to fidget._

_“No, no, not at all! It’s a good look. The suit, I mean. It looks nice.” He trailed off, looking flustered and lost for words, and Jyn got the expression that he hadn’t meant to say the last part. He coughed as his gaze swept up and down her body, then hurriedly returned to her face. Was the tip of his ear turning red? Her own cheeks flushed in response._

_She wondered when was the last time she saw him anything less than composed. Even in the floor-length backless midnight gown, he didn’t react to her like this._

_“You’re a vision, Jyn.”_

_The words were sure and deliberate this time. His eyes held hers and she couldn’t look away even as she felt her face heat up to an inferno._

_Yeah, he didn’t look so bad himself, she noted, now that they were staring at each other. That was an understatement. He was clean-shaven, his hair slicked back, and he was wearing the same suit he’d worn last time (the lucky bastard could get away with wearing the same thing to every event.) Though she liked his usual stubble and the lock of hair that always fell in his eyes, Jyn could appreciate Cassian in a suit. Something about the sight made her want to climb in his lap, tug on his tie to bring his face closer, and tease him with her lips hovering near his until he couldn’t take it and leaned in to kiss her._

_She stopped herself there, aware that her delusional fantasies weren’t appropriate for the moment. He was still looking at her. She wanted to tell him that he looked gorgeous as well, that he took her breath away, but even a simple thank you felt like lead in her mouth, let alone a compliment. Force knows what else would slip out of her now._

_Her eyes remained glued to Cassian like she was hypnotized, and she realized she was holding her breath. This was so not the time but maybe – maybe –_

_He broke their gaze and lifted his mug._

_“Thanks for the caf.”_

_The air rushed out of her in a whoosh. You’re a vision, Jyn._ _Did he really think that, did he –_

_“No problem.”_

_He took a sip and turned back to his datapad. “Ready in 10?”_

_No._

_“Yeah. Let’s get this over with.”_

* * *

Cassian followed close behind, and she only just had time to deposit the box on the table and run back to her cabin to get that good wine she sneaked abroad, before he made it back to the ship.

He didn’t spare a glance in her direction yet, but she knew he just wanted to be off-planet as soon as possible, now that they were done with the mission. Jyn left him to it and unboxed the cake, silently snickering at its extravagance. What she wouldn’t do to see the look on Keven Bothe’s face when he realized it was gone.

The second they jumped to hyperspace, Cassian put the ship on autopilot and joined her in the common area. He had removed his tie and jacket, and popped open the first few buttons of his shirt, and kriff it, she tried really hard not to stare but her throat was dry as a bone.

He said nothing, waiting. She knew him though, and his tactics, and she wouldn’t break first this time. She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms across her chest. _If you want something, use your words._

He sighed. “So what was that about?”

Jyn shrugged, nondescript. “I wanted the cake.”

“That is a hideous cake.”

“Oh, I know,” she nodded, eyeing the thing. “But I had my reasons.”

Cassian crossed his arms as well, amusement mixing with impatience. “Which are?”

* * *

_“You are hopeless,” Bodhi chimed helpfully, sounding far too cheery for Jyn’s liking._

_Jyn tore her eyes away from Cassian’s retreating back and fixed Bodhi with a glare. “Pardon?”_

_“He said you are hopeless.” K2 repeated, factual as ever. “He’s not wrong. You’ve been staring at Cassian walking away for approximately twenty-six seconds and three milliseconds and you didn’t appear to hear Bodhi calling your name. I also catch you ogling him about four times a day, and that’s not counting all the instances I’m not there. I’d say that’s quite hopeless, as Bodhi Rook put it.”_

_Bodhi struggled not to choke on his caf as he snickered at Kay’s words and Jyn flushed red in indignation. Surely, she did not stare at him that much._

_“You’re just jealous because you know I’m Cassian’s best friend now,” she grumbled when she couldn’t find a better comeback._

_“I assure you, that is hardly something I worry about.”_

_Jyn shrugged, done with this particular topic, and turned back to Bodhi who looked far too entertained by their bickering._

_“I need your opinion on something,” she mentioned casually. Hopefully, the change in conversation came across as natural. She was loath to give them more ammo but she had no one else to talk about this._

_Bodhi nodded for her to continue._

_“Cassian’s birthday is coming up soon,” she trailed off, not sure how to put her thoughts into words. That was a constant struggle. She wanted to get him something nice or do something nice for him or just simply celebrate with him and… be with him. But how to say that, how to ask for help, where was she even going with all of this. She had no clue._

_Jyn made some vague hand gestures and hoped Bodhi would get the gist of it. Cassian could understand her by a look, but her friends had grown accustomed to her awkward body language and facial expressions as well._

_And Bodhi seemed to get what she was hinting at. Thankfully, he took pity on her clumsy fumbling and dropped the teasing smile, which she appreciated. He was genuine when he asked, “Oh, you want to give him something special?”_

_“Yeah. I guess.”_

_“May I suggest then that you get over yourself and put yourself under him?”_

_“That profanity algorithm I installed for you was a mistake,” Jyn groaned, cheeks flaming. At the time, it seemed like the perfect idea to spice K2 up and amicably annoy Cassian a bit. Sure enough, hearing Kay curse in seven different languages and Cassian blink at him in bewilderment was a treasured memory. But she hadn’t expected it to result in lewd and occasionally obscene comments from the droid._

_Bodhi, to his credit, tried to stifle his laughter. “While I don’t think that’s a terrible idea, I think she’s going for something more tangible, Kay.”_

_“Exactly – wait.” She gave Bodhi a dirty look who shot her an innocuous smile. “I’m serious. I want to do something to show…”_

_“That you care?”_

_Jyn bit her lip, suddenly shy. “Yeah.”_

_That was the perfect way to say it. She wanted to let him know she cared, that she was happy he was her partner, that his path led him to her._

_“I think that’s a great idea, Jyn.” Bodhi flashed her an encouraging smile that made her feel a little calmer. Until he continued, “Whatever you do, I’m sure he’ll love it. He’s unabashedly in love with you.”_

_“Bodhi!” she hissed, attempting to mask her embarrassment with anger. That was the only reason her cheeks were growing hot, definitely._

_“I can confirm that’s true.”_

_“Thanks, Kay.”_

_“Both of you, stop it.”_

_She threw them a firm look but it felt weak given how flustered she’d been this whole time. Cassian was the only thing that could get under her skin so easily._

_In any case, Jyn didn’t care if he loved her back. (Alright, that wasn’t completely true, she did care, she cared a lot.) But that wasn’t the point right now. Most of all, she just wanted him to be happy, regardless of how he felt about her. She wanted him to have a nice birthday. Much like herself, he probably hadn’t had one in a really long time. And as his partner and his friend, she would make sure this year was different._

* * *

“Feliz cumpleaños.”

When Cassian merely blinked, frozen and unreadable, Jyn fidgeted in her place. “That’s how you say it, right?”

“What – yes, yes… but how?” Shock and confusion colored his voice; clearly, he hadn’t expected this.

Jyn shrugged, hiding a smile. “Surprise?”

“I – it’s today?”

A twinge of sadness flashed through her at that. “You don’t remember?”

“I haven’t celebrated in…” he trailed off and shrugged. Jyn could easily fill in the blanks. He hadn’t celebrated since he was a child. He hadn’t had anyone who cared enough. “So I haven’t really kept track.”

Cassian’s brows drew together as he regarded her with curiosity and a little bit of admiration. “But how do you know?” A beat later, he was answering his own question. “You sliced into my file.”

It was a statement, not a question, and he was right, of course. In her defense, she hadn’t done it for fun, and she didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilty for it. “Your last mission when you were MIA, yeah.”

He gave her a fond shake of his head. “You don’t play by the rules, do you?”

“Never have, never will.”

Cassian let out a huff of air and gestured towards the cake, catching her eyes.

“So you stole the cake for me?” he asked, a hint of awe in his voice.

Jyn looked away, biting her lip. This was the problem. She wanted to do something nice for Cassian and let him know she cared, but at the same time, she didn’t want to seem… well, hopeless, as Bodhi had put it. Hopelessly in love with him. Suddenly, the gesture was too big, too much, and she felt like she needed to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal, even though _it was._

Yes, she stole the stupid cake for him. But what could she say? _Happy birthday, Cassian, I’m desperately in love with you, and would do anything for you. I stole the cake to make you happy, I know it’s ugly but I hope you don’t mind. Blink twice if you love me too._

That would go over well.

“I wasn’t planning on stealing it,” she said slowly, munching over the words before she said them aloud. “I brought the wine to celebrate and I got you a present but then I saw the cake and… It’s your 30th birthday as well.”

_And you deserve it more than him._

Cassian’s smile was small but she learned how to look for it. It was full of things she dared not to hope for. Her heart warmed at the sight, feeling a bit less silly for stealing the cake. She could take a little bit of embarrassment if it meant he looked at her like that.

“How did you pull it off?”

“A little deception.” She gave him a proud smirk, sitting up straighter. “You’re rubbing off on me.”

He chuckled, pulling a chair out to finally sit down in front of her. “You know, they’ll notice we’re gone when they realize the cake is missing.”

“Sure. And they’ll think we’re petty cake thieves.”

“And if the guard remembers seeing us upstairs?”

“Oh, come on, Cassian,” Jyn groaned, throwing her hands up in the air, “there’s no reason for them to think we’re rebel spies who stole their data. Besides, we already have what we need. Lighten up.”

He shook his head but she couldn’t detect any true annoyance on his face. “Draven will not be happy.”

“I was hoping we don’t have to tell him. Can we not talk about Draven right now?”

“You may think I’m nagging because I’m meticulous but I don’t want Draven to pull you out of intelligence. I...” he paused, his gaze turning timid, “I like having you with me.”

Her lips instinctively curved into a bright smile. She felt a little giddy and a little incredulous when she asked, “Really?”

“Of course, Jyn, I... no one’s ever stolen a cake for me. Or wanted to celebrate my birthday with me,” he added after a moment, the same incredulity she felt reflecting in his voice.

“Well, I’ve never stolen a cake for anybody,” she admitted, then decided to fuck it and be sappy. “And I want to celebrate every birthday with you.”

Cassian looked down, bashful, but the corner of his lips quirked upwards. Jyn felts her cheeks heat up, but somehow, it wasn’t awkward. It was a moment of clarity, an understanding that passed between them: that they cared about each other, they were grateful to have someone by their side, and they were glad to have found the other. And perhaps, maybe, there was even a chance that he felt the same way about her as she did.

“So you got me a present?” he asked, breaking the silence. The soft rumble of his voice, the way he glanced up at her under his lashes; it was unfair. Jyn’s heart hammered in her throat.

“Uhm, yeah. It’s… wait a second. Here.”

She reached for the package she hid behind her chair and unceremoniously pushed it to him on the table. She’d hastily wrapped it and the wine in a thin blanket before their mission to sneak it abroad, just in case Cassian noticed anything. He gave it a curious glance on the table and she motioned for him to open it.

Uncovering the blanket, he pulled out the dark brown leather jacket she’d picked out for him on a supply run a few weeks ago.

“It’s not much but…” She wanted to give him something practical, something he would find useful, and though he had other coats and jackets and his favorite blue parka – well, that was kind of the point. Cassian made few self-indulgences but he seemed to have an affinity for jackets. So a jacket, it was.

“Jyn…” he trailed off, running his hand across the material. He looked up at her, eyes soft. “I love it. Thank you.”

She sent him a small smile in response, feeling warm and happy inside. “You want to try the cake?”

Cassian eyed the thing with a little distrust (and Jyn couldn’t blame him) but he carefully folded the jacket back into the blanket and nodded. “Let’s see if it tastes better than it looks.”

Jyn grinned, reaching for the matches she left on the table for the candles. “But first, you have to make a wish.”

Cassian obediently closed his eyes, thinking, and she watched as he slowly leaned forward and blew the candles out. When he opened his eyes, there was a twinkle of playfulness in them that took her by surprise.

“What did you wish for?” she asked, genuinely curious.

“I can’t tell you or it won’t come true,” he replied, all serious, except for the gleam in his gaze, “And I kind of want it to come true.”

She raised her eyebrows, her curiosity growing. Cassian only smiled pleasantly, almost teasing, and motioned towards the cake, as if asking, “Are you going to cut it?”

She grabbed the knife, cutting into the offensively golden cake, briefly wondering if they had noticed its disappearance yet. Probably. She imagined Keven’s face going purple at being duped, and the thought brought a smirk to her face.

She offered Cassian the first slice but he shook his head and pushed the plate back towards her.

“In Festian tradition, the birthday person gets the last slice.”

“How chivalrous,” Jyn noted but duly gave him the second slice instead. He waited for her to take a bite, watching her face, and she wondered if he merely wanted to gauge her reaction before trying it himself.

“It’s not bad,” she decided after swallowing. It tasted like chocolate and caf and it wasn’t a bad combination. It was a little too sweet for her but Cassian would like it; she knew he was a bit of a foodie, and he had a surprising sweet tooth.

True enough, he nodded approvingly after the first cautious bite and dug into his slice more boldly. They ate in comfortable silence, sneaking small glances at each other, until Cassian spoke up, his tone melancholy.

“When I was a kid, my mother used to make these traditional poppy seed rolls for holidays and celebrations but always with raisins in them. I couldn’t stand it. I had to pick out the raisins one by one to be able to eat it and my papa always said I was too finicky, but they never stopped me. When my birthday came around, mama made them without raisins. For my finicky boy, she would say.”

He paused, a wistful half-smile pulling at his lips. “That’s the last I had a birthday cake. I kept track of the date for a few more years but there were no more celebrations.”

Jyn could see the picture clearly in her head: just a boy, alone in this war, celebrating his birthday on his own until he grew too jaded even for that. Her heart clenched painfully.

“Do you think about them a lot?” she asked cautiously, stabbing the cake with her fork. She wasn’t sure if he really wanted to talk about it or if he just felt like sharing that small piece of his history, and she didn’t want to upset him. She would take any piece of information he gave her, infinitely curios, eager to learn everything about him, and grateful for the trust he placed in her.

He shook his head. “Not anymore. Isn’t that sad?”

“It’s normal,” she said firmly, thinking of her own parents and all the missed birthdays. She would always mourn the childhood she lost but it wasn’t on the forefront of her mind anymore.

But if he needed someone to pour his heart out to, she could give him that. Nevermind that she had other plans for tonight. It didn’t matter. No matter how much she wanted him, how much time she spent putting together the perfect evening for them, he would always come before herself. If he needed her to hold him and comfort him, that’s what she would do.

She opened her mouth to convey that but her hesitation with words got the best of her again. “I’m here for you” sounded too commonplace, “you can cry on my shoulder” was too patronizing. Kriff, she was no good at this.

But Cassian knew her, and gave her a small nod of understanding, his warm brown eyes sincere. She let out a relieved breath.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jyn,” he said quietly. “There’s no one else I’d rather be with right now.”

Oh, well, that wasn’t fair. How was she supposed to catch her breath and respond to that at the same time?

“You’ve turned soft, captain,” she managed at last, stammering a little, but tying to sound casual and teasing.

“Only with you.”

Her eyes went wide, heart in her throat. _Was he flirting with her?_

“I’ve been trying to, yes, thank you for noticing.”

Kriff, she didn’t mean to say that aloud. But did he just –

So this was really happening. Her pulse racing, head a little dizzy, she took the plunge.

“Me too,” she whispered. She knew it was not the most romantic way to say it, not even close to really covering what she felt for him, but she hoped he would get it. _Yes, I feel the same, yes, I want to be with you, always._

“So this is all a grand romantic gesture?” he asked, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he gestured around them. She wasn’t used to seeing him so lighthearted; it was a good look on him. “The wine, the cake, the jacket? I can't believe it, Jyn Erso is secretly a romantic.”

“I’m not!” she gasped, scandalized at the suggestion. “I just wanted to do something nice for your birthday.”

“And seduce me.”

He was teasing her. Her face went red at his words but she couldn’t say she didn’t like this new side of him. Okay, two could play this game.

“I admit to nothing,” she said, crossing her arms in a defiant gesture. Cassian’s face was playfully smug; he could clearly see through her façade, but that was something she liked about him.

They stared at each other, a game to see who would break first. It was a familiar game, one she was finally getting better at, (because Force, Cassian had patience like a saint and she did not) but Jyn thought she was bound to lose this time. She’d been waiting and wanting too long to be patient anymore.

“Oh, for kriff’s sake, this is ridiculous,” she groaned at last and stood up to climb into his lap and kiss him properly.

Perhaps it was a little forward, sitting in his lap so boldly, but when Jyn set her mind to something, she didn’t half-ass it. Cassian wasn’t complaining, if the way he returned her kiss was any indication. His hand slipped around her waist and up her back, sliding into her curls as he pulled her closer. It was exactly as good as she always imagined; it was better than that. They clicked the way they always did, like puzzle pieces shaped to fit together.

Cassian kissed her slow and tender, with none of the rush from earlier. That was for show, for necessity, and this was real. This was only the beginning, only the first few cautious moments of getting to know each other. It was a “hello” and a “welcome home” and a “I’m glad you’re here with me” all at once.

She let herself get lost in it for a while; she trusted him to take care of her even when she was vulnerable.

Cassian had his eyes closed when they broke away, leaning his forehead against hers, their noses touching. Jyn couldn’t look away from the shape of his mouth, slightly open, breathing in and out. He looked happy and content and like he just got everything he ever wanted; _he wanted this, he wanted her, stars and galaxies, he wanted her._

“Happy birthday to me,” he whispered against her mouth.

Her lips stretched into a wide smile, unable to hide this feeling screaming inside her. He sounded as happy as she felt, and the knowledge that they were equals in this too, just as in deep as the other, just as devoted, did funny things to her heart.

“Is this what you wished for?” she asked, matching his tone.

The dark intense gaze he turned on her was answer enough, and then he was kissing her again, deeper and longer than before. He kissed her like he couldn’t have enough, like he needed to have all of her, like he longed for more even when there was no more, and she felt the same twin hunger burning in the pit of her stomach.

This was what she had imagined herself doing before the mission, and here she was now. She couldn’t help chuckling against his mouth when she considered that. Some sort of giddiness had taken over her and wouldn’t let go, making her smile and laugh and sigh happily. The fantasy in her head had been a little more heated but she found she didn’t mind this tenderness at all.

“What?” he asked when she laughed, eyes lighting up with adoration as he watched her.

She shook her head, unsure how to best explain it. It was nothing, it was everything, it was just – _she was so damn happy._

“I’ve imagined myself doing this a couple of times.”

“Yeah?” he asked, breathless and awed, like he dared not believe it.

She nodded, biting her lip.

“Tell me about it,” he requested, but a second later, he was kissing her again. That was alright. She could just show him.

* * *

_“Kay!” she called out for the droid as she followed him after breakfast, watching as his giant metal frame slowed to a stop to wait for her. She hastily looked around, making sure there was no one around to overhear this. “I need a favor.”_

_The droid tilted his head at her in what she imagined to be his way of curiosity. “You are putting aside your pride to ask me a favor on your own volition? This should be interesting.”_

_Jyn briefly rolled her eyes; she wasn’t that proud. “Cassian’s birthday falls during the Bothe mission, but I already got him something, and I thought he and I could celebrate it anyway.”_

_“Yes, you have mentioned this a few weeks ago in the mess hall. I remember.”_

_“… Alone.”_

_K2 stared at her as he processed this, and she jutted her chin out defiantly. She’d thought this through; whatever objections he had, she had a rebuttal._

_It was an unspoken agreement that Kay tagged along on Cassian’s missions, even if all he did was stay on the ship most of the time. And he was helpful, she wasn’t above admitting that, but did they truly need him? Jyn carefully thought about it, (because she wouldn’t put their lives at risk just for her own selfish whims) but she deduced that between her and Cassian, and a low-to-average risk mission, they would be fine on their own. They didn’t always need supervision._

_“I suppose that can be arranged,” the droid allowed after a moment._

_“Cassian and I are more than capable – wait, really? You don’t think it’s a terrible idea?”_

_“I’m sure you’ll manage without me. You would both be terrible intelligence agents if you did not.”_

_Jyn blinked up at the droid in surprise. “Was that a compliment?”_

_“Good luck, Jyn Erso,” Kay said, ignoring her comment. “I do hope you’ll succeed in seducing Cassian.”_

_“It’s not like that –” Jyn protested immediately, because really, it wasn’t. At least, it wasn’t her number one intention. But if one thing led to another… well, she wouldn’t complain._

_“No need to make excuses. Human emotions may perplex me but I am not blind. I recognize that you and Cassian wish to copulate with each other.”_

_“Ugh.” She groaned, throwing her hands up in the air. There was no point in arguing with him. “Just don’t tell Cassian that I asked you to stay behind.”_

_“Understood.”_

_She paused, crossing her arms, feeling a bit out of her element. Gratitude was so not her thing. “Thank you, Kay.”_

_“Don’t thank me,” the droid said, matter-of-fact. “It is purely for selfish reasons. I predict that Cassian’s general mood will improve by at least thirty-eight percent if he’s having intercourse with you, and his desire to stay alive will also increase by sixty-seven percent.” He paused before adding, “I would also predict something similar for you.”_

_Jyn looked down, a small smile spreading across her face, recognizing that this was K2’s own backwards way of saying that he cared about her too._

_She nodded at him when she lifted her head. “Thank you anyway, Kay.”_

* * *

When they arrived back to base the next day, Cassian was wearing the leather jacket she gave him, and Force, it did things to her. She tingled in places that weren’t all appropriate, and the shirt she stole from him that morning didn’t help. It smelled like him, which was kind of the point, but in hindsight, it was also distracting.

Being in love, in general, was pretty distracting, especially now that she got to kiss the object of her affections. Her caf went cold earlier because she and Cassian made use of the last few hours of alone time they had, and Cassian was no better, only halfway done with the mission report.

Not that either of them dared to use the L-word yet, but it hovered there, in the back of her mind. Already, she thought Cassian felt it too. Their minds and feelings were in synch, as always, so attuned to each other that she could pick him out blindfolded in a crowd of hundreds. But she wasn’t rushing it. Everything in their own time.

When they stepped off the landing pad, the rest of their little team was there to greet them.

“Happy birthday, Cassian!” Bodhi said as he bounded up to them to give Cassian a pat on the back.

Cassian gave her a look of surprise, as if he thought she wouldn’t tell them. Jyn grinned happily, pleased at the sight of his faint blush.

“Thank you,” he murmured, not used to being the center of attention. But Jyn could see in his eyes that their affection meant a lot to him.

“Happy birthday, captain,” Chirrut spoke up as well, leaning on his staff. “Did you get what you wished for?”

Cassian gave Jyn a swift glance, quickly averting his gaze as if they were caught red-handed.

“It was the best birthday I had in a long time,” he answered neutrally.

Baze grunted at that but before Chirrut could answer, Bodhi cut in. “How about a round of sabacc after your debrief? We’ll met you at the cantina.”

Cassian looked at her, a question in his eyes. “Well?” _Are you in or out?_

“Well?” she echoed, her answer unmistakable. _In. Always._

He held out his hand, an invitation, and she took it with confidence before turning to Bodhi. “We have cake.”

“Oh,” K2 said as he eyed their intertwined hands. “I predict a seven percent decrease in your productivity in the upcoming weeks.”

Bodhi grinned, Chirrut simpered, and Baze gave them a look that could mean anything from “I’m surrounded by idiots” to “I’m happy for you.”

Jyn squeezed Cassian’s hand as they looked at each other. Back on the ship, it was just the two of them, truly alone, a dream in the middle of a nightmare. No rebellion soldiers in the next room, no droids in the cockpit, no war around them. It was a different kind of thrill and it was magnificent.

But this, she could do too. She’d face the nightmare for even another second of that dream. And Cassian was with her, a bright spot in the dark. They were together, all the way.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to give Cassian another leather jacket because god, he looks really fucking good in them and he needs one that isn't the Leather Jacket of Moral Ambiguity.
> 
> And I came up with the birthday plot because my own birthday was around the time I was plotting this fic and I figured since Diego's birthday is also in December, it's fitting. (And hey, perfect posting date as well.) I didn't know until later that my giftee's birthday is also in December so that's a cool coincidence.
> 
> Thanks for reading! You can find me on [tumblr](http://captainandors.tumblr.com/)


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